I can't believe that today you turned three months old. I am so hyper-aware at how quickly time is moving right now. It seems beyond cruel that time moved so slowly when you were growing inside me and now that we are separate and I have you in my arms, it has been racing. I'm excited to watch you grow & develop into your own little firecracker personality, I'm excited for you to be able to play with your big brother, (who is dying for you to be able to play with him), and I'm so excited for the mother-daughter things we will get to do together. But I also wish I could pause time right here, right now and just hold you in my arms like this, my sweet baby girl, forever.
The past 3 months have truly been surreal. A whirlwind, sleep-deprived, & blurry, yet somehow still, absolutely surreal. Every morning, no matter how utterly exhausted I am, and no matter how brutally cold and dreary it is outside, you are always all smiles. Regardless of how little sleep or how hard the night before, you are there, fresh and happy and you start my day off like a ray of sunshine.
Every day there are loads of laundry that need to be washed and put away. Errands that need to be run and grocery shopping and food prep and cooking and cleaning that needs to be done. Your big brother to care for and to help with homework and speech. Dozens of unfinished blog posts and scribbled notes of my dreams and plans for the future. Way too many people on my 'call back' list and businesses on my 'to call' list. A hundred notes on my 'to-do' list that have gone weeks, even months without getting to. But although I always have a million things to do, every day I find at least 30 minutes when we can sit quietly together and I rock you back and forth and watch you fall sound asleep in my arms. It's in these moments I get completely lost in you. The most relaxing part of my day is this time with you, just sitting and holding you, blocking out the rest of the world around us, watching your little chest rise and fall with each breath. And I sit here with you in my arms, mesmerized, adoring you.
I sit and I hold you and I realize how big you're getting, and how ridiculously much you've grown since we brought you home from the hospital 3 months ago. I wonder what you'll be like when you're Landon's age. I wonder if I'll see my own personality traits shine through in you. I wonder if you'll grow up to be my best friend and I hope that I will be yours. I'm excited about the many things and experiences life has in store for you and for all of us together. I'm excited to see if you'll choose sports or dancing or drawing or acting, and where your passions will lie. But regardless of whatever becomes your passion, and whichever path you travel, I will be right by your side rooting you on, always.
The world has great things in store for you my little one. But for now, at three months old, I am your world, and for that, I couldn't feel more blessed.
I love you so much,
your mumma
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