For the Mom's: 10 small things you can do to bring more peace & order to your life :)

Finally reached a point where I feel confident enough to write this post and share some of this wisdom I have learned from the past year and a half though the challenging and demanding early years of motherhood with a toddler and a baby, without family nearby and my husband working/traveling a great deal. I think that all mothers, regardless if working or stay at home, single or married, with 2 under 2 or just one - all of us are juggling numerous demands and constantly answering to the highest priority and letting other things slip by and compound. Maybe your biggest demand right now is a high need or a sick baby, a stressful work situation, a personal family or marital crisis, maybe you are struggling with your own health issues, or maybe you are dealing with the stress of caring for a special needs child or an aged relative. We are all in different walks of life and  facing different sets of challenges, but I think we can all agree that sometimes, life is simply just hard. Some days, some months, some years, are just utterly exhausting and stretching. If you are in one of these seasons it can become hard not to let the other, lesser-priority things pile up, and it becomes hard to even take care of our own selves, and generally be the woman, mother, wife, and friend that we know God called us to be. After a challenging hard year and a half, I came to the realization that I am more than just a milk machine and I was more than the frazzled, sleep-deprived, anti-social woman I became many days over the past 18 months. What really helped me was finally getting Blair to sleep through the night at 16 months, but I also found that by incorporating the following habits into my daily routine, there came a huge increase in energy levels, my outlook, attitude, and my mindset became much more positive, and ultimately I gained overall feelings of clarity, lightness, and happiness. There is nothing earth shattering here - These are small things you can do that if you just try to stay mindful of and remember to do these things (give em a few weeks or month in a row!) I can promise you will find your life to regain more order, peace, and ultimate happiness :)

1. Get dressed!! Get dressed for the day you want to have, not the one that's trying to have you. As a SAHM the reality is you can still find me in yoga pants and a top knot most days, Really, I only get 'dressed' up in the sense of skirts and silky blouses and high heels for special holidays and occasions. For the past year and a half, I think most days I looked homeless in shirts smeared with unknown food particles and snots.  I know this one can difficult with a baby and a toddler -- I could barely shower or brush my hair or teeth without Blair screaming at me or hanging off my leg crying at my feet to be picked up. But you just need to just figure out 10 minutes in the morning to quickly shower and just groom yourself for the day -- cut your cuticles, buff your nails, shave, clean up your eyebrows, and put on clothes that fit you well (or just that you don't look homeless in), and you will actually feel better that day and actually have a better day. You don't need to give yourself a blow out. You don't need to put on make up. You don't need to dress uncomfortably beautiful. But just making dressing nicer a priority in my life has a huge difference in my productivity and overall outlook on life those days. I’ve found that I get more done, I feel more energetic, and I just feel happier. I started keeping a small cosmetic case in my bag filled with a travel size deodorant, a small hair brush, and a tinted cheek/lip balm (love this one) so that when we arrive somewhere a couple minutes early I can easily fix up in the car while the kids are happily contained.
(Pictured above in L'eggs Brand Silken Sheers - for when you do go the extra mile, these are such a fabulous product with new run-resistant technology and control top ;))
2. Cook, clean, fix things up or put things away around the house or outside the house, with the kids involved.  It may take you twice as long, but I've found sometimes these things literally just won't get done, (or otherwise they'll get done with a screaming toddler, or your toddler somehow getting hurt). & it's fun for them to feel 'needed' in your world and praised for their efforts. And it's a great hands-on real-life learning experience for them. I think just as important as sitting down (or running around) and playing with them - kids are curious about the real world and are more intrigued with what captures our attention and time, and this teaches your toddler about caring for a home or yard and sets the tone for them to help and understand household responsibilities and chores as they grow. For example, my kids like to help me cook - Blair doesn't really care what she's doing as long as she's involved, and Landon will actually help me read recipes, find ingredients, mix things together and watch them cook like a science experiment. Laundry is another one, I'll have them help sort the dirty clothes into dark and light piles, help transfer wet clothes into the dryer, press the buttons, and sort the clean clothes into each person's pile.
3. Clean up as soon as a mess is made, rather than letting it accumulate. Sometimes in the middle of the day we think it'd just be easier to just deal with it after the kids get to sleep, but that mindset can cause so much more mess and ultimately, overwhelming feelings of chaos and anxiety. This means: pick up and put away toys when you are done playing, put away bath toys as soon as bath is over, clean the dinner table and dishes as soon as dinner is over. Clean that poopy cloth diaper as soon as you take it off. This way, nothing can accumulate and get out of control.
4. Have a daily to-do list and prioritize tasks. Tackle the biggest / hardest task first thing and then the smaller ones after that. You will be amazed at how much better and more motivated you feel when that huge annoying thing you keep thinking about is DONE! Keep your daily list to about 5 items, otherwise you will get bogged down. Also keep a separate, long-term to-do list, of things that you want to eventually tackle, but that there is no 'deadline' for and that can wait for when you have a low-key weekend or unexpected chunk of time, or your husband's help to deal with.
5. Have a shared family calendar. My husband and I sync our hotmail calendars, where we each add events into it so we can see what's going on on both ends since we have too much going on to call each other about it. I also keep a large calendar up in print in our kitchen because I'm a visual person, which helps me constantly see the picture of how many days I have to do things before a specified day or event. This is such a small thing to do but can instantly help you visualize your month better and be more effective on a weekly and monthly basis.
6. Pick one day during the week to take a few hours (sans kids) to go grocery shopping and food prep for the week. For me, it's Monday. (This is also something we just started doing a few weeks ago and I can't tell you how much easier it's made my life). I go food shopping and get everything I need for the week's breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Then I rinse and cut up all the veggies, bake the chicken or turkey meat so all I have to do is simply re-heat. I can't over-emphasize the importance of this one! Food prep is so important and can ease a lot of stress and hanger when you've had a busy day, and also helps everyone eat healthier. For example, we always have hard boiled eggs, bananas, apples, and cut up veggies and hummus & dressing in the fridge, which makes it easy to grab a quick, healthy snack when hunger strikes. On Mondays I will also mbake chicken tenders and ground turkey meat to keep in the fridge, for easy sandwiches, wraps, and to throw in dinners.
7. Wake up before the kids. I know this one might be hard too but I promise it will set the tone for a better day. All you need is 30 minutes before them. I have my first cup of coffee in peace and quiet and read a chapter of the bible. I'll also set up their bowls of cereal and pack sandwiches and bags for the day before they wake up, which makes the struggle of getting out the door so much much less hectic.
8. Stay on a schedule. Studies have shown across the board that children thrive when they follow structure and routine. Of course as parents of young children, things come up and unexpected doozies are thrown our way more than we'd like and adjusting and rolling with the punches is definitely a learned skill....but on the whole, if you keep a routine to your days and nights, everyone will function better.
Since today is Friday, I'll give you an example of how a typical Friday looks like for us:
5:30am: Wake up. I take 30 minutes before the kids wake up to make my coffee, read my bible and say a quick prayer for the day.
6:00am: Kids wake up. Diaper change, eat breakfasts, clothes change. Clean up right after they are done eating. Pack lunches, bags, car for the day.
8:000am: Out the door. Usually to our gym, where the kids play and I get a workout in and shower, or like today, I am in the cafe working on my blog or working on Extract.
11:30: Lunch.
12:00: Landon gets on the bus and Blair takes a nap.
1:00-4:00: 'Free time' with Blair. Usually we run errands, clean up around the house and prep for dinner.
4:00: Landon comes home from school. We play outside, go for a walk or bike ride for about an hour before dinner.
5:30: Dinner. Clean up afterwards.
7:00: Bath time, massages, pajamas & brush teeth. We all read books together before bed in Landon's room.
8:00: Bed. After I get the kids to bed I throw in a load of laundry and run the dishwasher so clean for the next day.
9. Keep extra mom & kid necessities in your purse and in the car, so that you are never caught already running late to a birthday party, running into Target for a new outfit and sippy cup. This way, no matter if you are running late, or just forgetful, or the kids are just extra needy, you are equipped to handle any forseeable blow out or snack attack. Our car stash contains diapers, wipes, a sippy cup, change of clothes, snacks, and bandaids.
10. Schedule Date Nights. This was also hard for me to do, but it is so important. I recently heard a pastor at a baby dedication tell the parents that the most important gift you can give your kids is a good marriage. Isn't it true? They are going to look at our marriage as the picture in their mind for when they ultimately chose a life partner of their own. I think that especially in the early years of parenting we feel like it's too hard to invest time in your spouse as we are already stretched so thin and feeling like we barely have time for ourselves or our kids. But you need to make the time - Our spouses need our time and our love and our support. And when the kids are all grown up and living lives on their own maybe on other parts of the country, it is your spouse you will be still be growing old with. & life is just better, in the good days and in the bad days, sharing it with a person you are still in love with.

I hope this helps some of you guys! Got another life tip of your own?? Would love to hear it!

they say it takes a village

Lately I've been thinking a lot about a lifestyle long before our time, when families lived in villages, the time of hunter-gatherers, when everyone had a task to do that the community relied on for survival. When meals were prepared by a group and everyone sat together to pray, eat, drink, tell stories, laugh, dance, and talk with each other. When people worked together to hunt and gather food, to prepare meals, to build huts and shelter, to fend off attackers, and to raise the children. When a child was born into a village, literally all of the women would come together and help take care of the new mother and baby. I read somewhere that it takes 3.75 adults to adequately care for a new baby, and I don't question it.
Lately I've been yearning for a greater sense of community and my mind frequently takes me back to thoughts of our ancestors. How although we've been blessed with so many great advances in technology and medicine, that life back then somehow seems so much more simple and gratifying than today's world. Even not going as far back as hunter-gatherers, but just looking back to a time before the internet and social media -- According to U.S.A. Today, back in 1985, the percentage of Americans with no close friends was 10%. Twenty years later, that number became 25%. So the idea of loneliness and isolation, and feeling disconnected, is escalating in our current cultural moment. The irony of this is that we now live in an age with social media -- which was designed to bring people together and connect with one another, and through which people are being more connected to what's going on than ever before -- and yet people are actually feeling a sense of more loneliness, more discontent, and more disconnectedness than any other time in history. And I specifically think that new mothers these days are finding themselves in places of loneliness and isolation more than any other point in history before.
When Landon was born and throughout his early infant weeks home from the hospital, outside help was unknown to me. My village consisted of myself, and Chris for two weeks. No close friends nearby, no family nearby, and really just no other women that I was close enough to nearby that offered to bring over a meal, help with Landon, or just be there to talk to and offer love. However, those early weeks and months were filled with so much love that I never felt sorry for myself or felt like I needed anything or anyone else other than my new precious little bundle. But were those days hard? Unbelievably. No one tells you just how hard it is when you leave that hospital, when you leave the nurses' 24/7 help, and enter into real life with a brand new baby as a brand new mother. I remember breaking down and crying on day 5 home from the hospital because my pump broke. I had a very hungry, demanding baby who refused my nipple, engorged painful breasts, and I was scared shitless to leave my apartment with a new baby all by myself and go out into the world in search of a new replacement pump. But as a new mom, you learn how to step up pretty quickly. You do what you need to do for this new little precious life you just created, which has now redefined your sole purpose as raising, nurturing, and doing whatever the hell it is you need to do to keep this new little life happy, healthy, growing, protected, & well loved.
As we are now currently trying to conceive baby number 2, I get scared again. How am I going to do that all over again with a toddler? With the passing of Chris' mother, still no family or close friends nearby, and tighter finances that naturally come with having more kids, I feel more scared than ever to baby-raise again.
We live in a world where everything is just plastered all over the internet. Women crop and instagram and photoshop and portray their best selves and leave out the normal, the mundane, and the ugly. We have relationships over the computer instead of in person, and women and mothers are constantly faced with comparing themselves to other women's photoshopped and edited lives. And as a result of all this, instead of reaching out, we turn inward, and we feel alone in our less than glamourous lives.
And in this new age of never ending information and technology, we learn on a daily basis about new techniques and parenting philosophies, the latest recalls, new safety concerns and SIDS research, that we should feed our kids organic and gluten-free and casein-free diets. We are bombarded with new articles and research on whether to vaccinate or not to vaccinate. On the benefits of enrolling your 6 month old in swim class. On why homeschooling is best for your children and how we are to raise a spiritually gifted and aware child. We learn about attachment and detachment parenting and why each is better than the other. It's simply overwhelming, and everyone out there just loves to give you their unsolicited advice on top of it all.
But advice is not what we need. We need help, and we need community.
Will we ever live in little huts and villages again? No. But we can come together and be real with each other. We can quit the extravagant baby showers and invitations for show and offer real, completely and utterly selfless acts of kindness to each other that are not done out of obligation or for recognition. We can drop by with a favor instead of offering an empty 'let me know if you need anything' text message. We can show love, not judgment. We can do things for each other without an expectation of getting something back in return. And I think that really being there for each other will get us back to a community. Because, deep down, we know life can be so much more rewarding and fulfilling. Because life is hard. Not because we are doing it wrong, and not because of any decisions we make, but because sometimes, it's just hard. And the loads we are carrying can be so much lighter when we have each other.

No Cable // My Master List of Documentaries

We're going on month 6 now with no cable, & it's nothing I've missed. I've never been a big TV person, or TV person at all for that matter, so having no cable hasn't been a challenge for me. Many nights my husband and I like to unwind together and watch a movie or tv show before bed, but we have a cheap video store up the street for rentals when we're in the mood for some cuddles & popcorn. I get my news stories online & my HGTV fix when I'm working out at the gym and I'm so much more content knowing that Landon is playing with his favorite trains or "reading" books instead of watching Sponge Bob Square Pants (god help those kids).
This isn't to say my kid has no screen time at all, he still has a TV in his playroom for movies that we own (big Disney fan, Baby Einstein, & other Thomas & Cars films) and he will frequently take my iphone and ask for "choo choos," meaning, YouTube videos of live train footage. (He will actually scroll through my phone and choose the video he wants to watch....kids these days and technology). But this will entertain him when I have to get stuff done, cook, or when I have to take him along to run some really boring errands with me. So overall I keep his screen time limited and I get to control what his little eyes and ears absorb, and (right now at least) I get to shield him from learning from the garbage, violence, and stupidity that is out there.
When I tell people I don't have cable, they look at me like I just told them I've been living without electricity or running water for half the year. But I strangely feel like a better person for not having it. Our lives our simpler, its one less bill in the mail, & it fosters a home full of conversation and DOING, and and that is the type of home and family life I want to cultivate.
All that being said, my husband and I still do enjoy a good scary movie or getting sucked into a good TV series every now & then (Breaking Bad, Boardwalk Empire, & Homeland, to name a few), but more than anything, I enjoy sitting down and watching a good, non-fictional, documentary. I've really only seen a few documentaries but I just spent a long time compiling a master list of documentaries that I want to rent or buy in the future (below). This isn't to say that I already agree with some of these titles {yet}, but just that I'm interested and want to be more educated on.
Documentary Master List (in alphabetical order):
*Lots of these are free to watch in their entirety on YouTube, & if not, most all have trailers on YouTube that you can watch before renting/buying.
A Beautiful Truth
A World Without Water
Addicted to Plastic
The Age of Stupid
Agenda: Grinding America Down
All in This Tea
American Politics All you Can Eat
Are Vaccines Safe?
Babies
Beyond Treason
The Big Sell-Out
Birth As We Know It
Birth Into Being
Born Into Brothels
The Botany of Desire
Burzynski, The Movie
Bush Family Fortunes
The Business of Being Born
Chow Down
Collapse
The Corporation
The Cove
The Creature From Jekyll Island
A Crude Awakening: The Oil Crash
Cut Poison Burn
Cut: Slicing Through The Myths of Circumcision
Crazy Sexy Cancer
Dear Zachary
Diet For A New America
Dirt! The Movie
Dive! the movie
Doula
Dying to Have Known: The Evidence Behind Natural Healing
Earthlings
The 11th Hour
The End of Poverty
Enron: The Smartest Guys in The Room
Ethos
Eustace Mullins: Murder By Injection
Farmageddon
Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead
Fat Head
Fed Up!
Fiat Empire: Why the Federal Reserve Violates the U.S. Constitution
Flow How Did a Handful of Corporations Steal Our Water?
Flu and Flu Vaccines, What’s Coming Through That Needle
The Fluoride Deception
Food Beware: The French Organic Revolution
Food Fight
Food, Inc.
Food Matters
Food Stamped
For Liberty: How the Ron Paul Revolution Watered the Withered Tree of Liberty
Forks over Knives
The Future of Food
Freedom Fries & Other Stupidity We'll Have to Explain to Our Grandchildren
Fresh
Frontline: The Medicated Child
Frontline: Sick Around America
Frontline: Sick Around the World
Gasland
Generation RX
Gentically Modified Food - Panacea or Posion?
Gentle Birth Choices
The Gerson Miracle
GMO Film Project 
Grass
The Greater Good
Healing Cancer From The Inside Out
Hemp Revolutio
The Human Experience
The Idiot Cycle: What You Aren't Being Told About Cancer
Ingredients
Innocents Betrayed
Invisible Empire A New World Order Defined
Killer At Large
King Corn
Life Running Out of Control
Loose Change
Louise Hay: You Can Heal Your Life
Making of A Killing
Money, Banking and the Federal Reserve
The Money Masters
Money Talks: Profit before Patient Safety
More Business Of Being Born
The Naked Truth
Natural Born Babies
The New Medicine
No Impact Man
Nutricide & Codex Alimentarius
One World Birth
Orgasmic Birth
OutFOXed: Rupert Murdoch’s War on Journalism
Pregnant in America
Processed People
Queen of the Sun: What Are the Bees Telling Us?
Radically Simple
Raising Cain
The Real Dirt on Farmer John
Scientists Under Attack: Genetic Engineering in the Magnetic Field of Money
Tapped
The Secret of Oz
Seeds Of Deception
Simply Raw: Reversing Diabetes
The Story of Stuff
Stupidity
Supersize Me
Sweet Misery
Sweet Remedy: The World Reacts to an Adulterated Food Supply
The Tapping Solution
Thrive
Transcendent Man
Unconditional Parenting
Uncovered: The War on Iraq
The Union: The Business Behind Getting High
Vaccination: The Hidden Truth
Vanishing of the Bees
We Feed The World
What in The World Are They Spraying?
What The Bleep Do We Know?
What’s on Your Plate
Who Killed the Electric Car
The World According to Monsanto
A World Without Cancer
Zeitgeist

Seen any of these? Let me know what you think is a 'must view' or what's not worth checking out.

Have any other recommendations or suggestions? Let me in on 'em!

it's not always easy, but it's all so very, very worth it.

Before I had Landon, before I ever met Chris and dimly even thought about getting pregnant myself, I would see mothers with their children out and about in shopping malls, grocery stores, parking lots, locker rooms, you name it, and I would catch their conversations and interactions and think to myself, 'god, that mother can't even control her own kid,' or I've thought, 'that woman is acting like she is below the age of her child,' and, 'I will never react that way and say those things to my child when I am a mother'. Truly, I said and promised myself these things.

When yesterday, I found myself crossing the street with Landon when he decided to let go of my hand, throw himself on the concrete, and kick and scream like I've never seen him before. I put my hand up to the driver waiting for us to cross to motion 'STOP' and 'thank you' and pled with him to get up and walk. My hands were full with his water, lunch box, and new Razor scooter I was now carrying because he decided he didn't want to scoot to the park anymore, he wanted to walk. After a few failed attempts to reason with or try to excite my toddler to cross the street, I scooped him up in one arm, scooter, water, and lunch in the other. Only he is wearing his new Timberland boots, and only he just learned how to kick. Hard. He lashes out at me so hard my entire right leg and arm give way and he falls to the ground, along with the scooter, water, and lunch spilling out all around us. I motion to the driver once more, this time a 'SORRY!' and realize there are now three more cars behind him. I pick up all his his snacks and scooter with one hand and some some sort of instinctual mom ninja move with the other, which consists of a quick arm around his middle, carrying him sideways while he screams and cries, legs and boots lashing out into the thin air behind us. I am sick, my muscles hurt, I am tired and sweating, and I have fresh snot streaming down my own face from an awful sinus infection with no free arm to wipe it away. But we make it across the street. And the driver's are shaking their heads in frustration and disdain as they pass and turn by us. True story, and I'm embarrassed.

But any mother, even the most loving, kind-hearted, patient, and Mother Teresa of all mothers will tell you: motherhood is hard work. Some days, are just hard. Motherhood is really not for the weak. It is not for the tired. And it is certainly not for the lazy.

Your child will hit, kick, slap, and bite you. They will poke you deep in your eyeball because they think it's funny. They will throw a golf ball square at your mouth from a foot away because they don't understand. They will backslap you across the face in the middle of the night just as you fell into a rare, coveted, deep sleep. They will step on and break your new lap top. They will scream at the top of their lungs at you in the middle of the street, in the middle of Macy's, in the middle of swimboree class, and of course when you're on an important phone call. That same child will keep you up all night, because they don't feel like sleeping in their new bed all alone, and because they have the fine luxury of taking naps during the day. And you will be waking up for the day no later than 3 hours from when they finally go back to bed, with a migraine and eye bags and going about your day when all of a sudden its past noon and you realize you forgot to brush your teeth, put on deodorant, and comb your hair. But if you're lucky, another mother will see you while you're frantically looking for your keys or cell phone, and give a kind, understanding smile and entertain your kid with funny faces while you simultaneously unload your grocery cart.

But even after all of that has occurred, and it's typical that the events described above will all happen within the same 24 hours - but that same day - you will hear your child call you "mau mau" for the first time. Your. heart. will. melt. Your darling baby will hold onto your legs as you let him to the ground and refuse to let go of you. He will see you the second you arrive to pick him up from childcare with the biggest, brightest, most excited eyes, and run to you and hug you. He will laugh hysterically at you when you jump out and scare him or when you do something quirky and think you're the most clever comedian in the whole world. He will look up at you with concerned eyes for encouragement or discipline when he's not sure if he should do something. He will give you a kiss. A big, fat, beautiful kiss right square on your lips. He will have you lay down on his bed, he will turn off his bedroom light, motion and say "shhhh" to you, put his blankie near your face, gently pat your head, and try to put you to sleep the exact way you do to him. And all this will make you forget all the crap they put you through earlier that day.

My little one is turning 2 and 1/2 this month. Our time together has truly flown by at the speed of light. I am amazed that we've all survived this long with no major hiccups because sometimes, it's been really, really hard. But that's exactly the thing - the hardest things in life are the most rewarding. No matter how bad it gets, and it does get bad, it is also amazing. Absolutely amazing. And at the end of every day, I am always, always grateful for my child. For who he is, for who he is growing up to be, and for who he makes me. I never knew how strong I could be. I didn't know the capacity I have for not giving up or taking the easy way out. I never knew my capacity for true, unconditional, self-sacrificial love and I never knew how big this feeling of love and protection could be. It is simply overwhelming and it is truly indescribable to be someone's mother and to feel those thousands of feelings every single minute of every single day.

And this love is enough to get us through the hard.

Thank you for everything you've given me. You are loved so very, very much. (Even when you're a little stinker).

"mau mau"

the best laid plans of mice & men ..

As previously mentioned, a lot has been going on around here lately and I feel like we're living in a constant whirlwind. The move has kind of thrown off our schedules and it's getting increasingly more difficult to plan appointments and who has the car on what day. The move was fairly smooth but there is so much work to do on our new home so in between diaper changes, feeding, playing, and taking care of Landon, I've been trying to put the house together. My stress levels have been pretty high and amidst all this we've been dealing with some pretty awful news..
We found out last week that I am miscarrying. I am still completely heartbroken and I am continuing to grieve and cope with this completely unexpected news. My hormone levels are still that of 2 months pregnant which probably doesn't help. We found out we were pregnant the beginning of August and were pumped. Really, really, over-the-moon, thrilled. We told a handful of people just because we couldn't keep it in, and I naively assumed that everything was going to be perfectly fine. We found out we were going to have a little Aries baby with a due date of April 15. Little Landon and new baby boy or girl bauman would have been just over 2 1/2 years apart. I was thrilled to have finally planned this out and be 100% ready for #2 and to grow our little threesome into a family of four. The lesson I keep learning over and over again? You can't plan. That's it, we just can't plan these things, and there's another greater plan out there that totally trumps mine. When will this finally sink in?
I'm still waiting for the baby to hopefully pass through naturally...and if not by another week at my 10 week mark we will have to have a D&C....and really hoping we don't have to go that route. Although I can see why a lot of women just go ahead with the D&C....the emotional state right now of knowing your dead baby with a failed heartbeat is still inside of you is extremely difficult to live with, each moment of every day. I have constant bursts of uncontrollable sadness and tears. I have awful nightmares about the miscarriage and crazy vivid, first trimester pregnancy dreams that haunt me every night. But still for me, having any procedure is a last resort.
It still totally sucks right now but I know there is a reason for everything and I am trying to finally relinguish control over planning out our family and children's ages perfectly. I am putting my faith and trust in God that He has the most perfect, best laid plans ahead for our family. I am learning not to be so naive about health complications and how 'easy' pregnancy is. I am thankful that I have already been blessed with a beautiful, healthy little boy. I am thankful for an amazing, supportive husband who makes this 10 times easier to go through with. And I am hopeful that as soon as my body gets back to normal and the required amount of time has passed...that there will be a new light at the end of this dark tunnel.

working versus sahm moms

After working full time for about 2 months now, I think I am finally ready to take on this post. Ever since L was born, I've had a lot of internal conflict regarding working or staying at home. Everyone has an opinion about it. There are two camps: On the one hand you have the woman who tells you to stay at home with you child(ren). That you can tell a huge difference in the child who has a mother home with them during those young, precious years and those who were shipped off to daycare. They tell you that (a) they did it and they don't regret a single day of it, or (b) they wish they could have, and if single parenthood or financial hurdles didn't exist for them, they would have stayed at home in a heartbeat. And the fact that there are major, scientific, irrefutable benefits of being at home with your child during the first year to two of their life, and doctors are continuing to cite the many, many benefits of breastfeeding as well as attachment parenting and baby wearing, which both for the most part requires a mother to be at home full time with her baby. *Not familiar with the benefits of breastfeeding or attachment parenting or babywearing? Take a quick look at a few articles here & here.
On the other camp, you have the busy, independent woman who has worked her whole life who thinks a mother who stays at home is stuck in the 30's, bored, or regards as someone who is "playing house." Wherever I go, people will ask. And they will throw in their two cents or otherwise let you know through their attitude which camp they are in.
So here I go. The day I was legally old enough to work, I was filling out job applications anywhere that was hiring. I was actually babysitting long before then, but you get the point. My first job was at Dunkin Donuts (jokes entitled) then went on to lifeguarding, then onto retail at Abercrombie & Fitch, hostessing, and then back to lifeguarding during my summers home from college. All throughout law school I worked. I clerked, I interned, I externed, did pro bono. I really enjoyed working, as it gave me real life experience in the career path I chose and I loved having the extra money. I never once in my life ever envisioned myself as a stay at home mother. I would think about myself as mother in the future, but as a power career mom, with a fabulous job in sleek business attire and weekly manicures coming home to whip up a fantastic dinner and tuck my little ones in bed.
Enter reality. Where daycare costs just about as much as I would make an an entry level attorney post economic downfall of 2008. So there was really no doubt in my mind that I was going to stay at home with L for the first several months after his birth. I enjoyed this time. I baby wore. I cloth diapered. I breast fed. I was proud of myself that Landon was solely fed breast milk for the first 6 months of his life. I also planned our wedding. We got married. I was a great mom. Landon was the happiest and most easy-going baby to hit the planet. And I basked in all the credit given to me.
But my conscience listened to the women in camp #2 and ignored the women in camp #1. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt spending any money on myself. I got anxious about my law school loans. About buying a home. About L's college tuition.
So when Landon was 6 months old, I started watching another little one in my building and began covering court calls for other attorneys on days I wasn't home with the babes, as well as working from home for another attorney out east. I thought it was great because I got to be home with Landon while I also got some sporadic courtroom experience, while also having the flexibility to work from my home computer whenever I wanted and around nap/bedtimes. But it was definitely a very difficult time in my journey of motherhood to date. I give anyone with multiples or two under two a lot of credit. I would wake up at 5 but there were many days I wasn't even able to brush my teeth or my hair until well past noon. My court calls were stressful. I was overworked, and I refused to give myself a day off  and pay for a sitter unless it was strictly during the hours I was at court. I ended up working one job just to pay the taxes on another. And in retrospect, I wasn't even being a good mom to my son. I couldn't play with him and work with him on the developments I wanted to because I was too tired taking after two babies, and one who was younger and needed more attention from me. And I didn't have the time between that and my legal work and all the housework - the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking, the food shopping was never ending.
9 months of all this later, after spending two weeks in Hawaii, I decided I wanted to work but that I needed to stop doing what I was doing.
Ideally I wanted to find a part time attorney position where I could still be home with Landon for a few days out of the week and then also get out a few days with a more stable/regular schedule. My current job opportunity totally fell in my lap. Which happens to be full time, but it was capped at 40 hours a week. I knew it was temporary, so if working full time life ended up being too stressful and I couldn't also be a good wife and mother then I would fulfill its term and then know I wasn't ready for the workforce yet. Turns out, it was not what I expected at all. I do not have a tremendous, or even any amount, of guilt for leaving Landon with someone else for 9 hours a day. *Sidenote: Of course this largely depends on who you are leaving your kid with. If your child isn't an infant, you will probably only feel guilty if you are leaving your child with someone who you don't fully trust and who does not give your child undivided attention and show you they truly care for your child. But back to what I was saying - working full time was the opposite of what I expected - I actually have the energy to wake up every morning at 5:00 and get an hour workout in 5 days a week while Landon is still snoozing. And I have a good, healthy meal on the table every night for dinner, as well as healthy lunches packed. I'm able to take care of myself, have thoughts for myself, eat for myself. & of course wear my beloved heels & get dressed again :) And on top of all that, it is the most relaxing, non-stressful time I have ever had for myself since becoming a mom.
Which leads me to the purpose of this post: Stay at Home Mothers Have A Much Much Much Harder Job Than Anyone Who Works and Any Professional. Let me actually repeat this in case you are speed reading through this post: stay at home mothers have a much harder job than anyone who works and any professional. Anyone who has done both will tell you this. It is the only job where you literally work 24/7 around the clock, with no benefits, no paid vacation time, no sick days. I repeat: no sick days. Try going to work next time you are puking your head off and can't get out of bed. And you have a very cranky boss who is very, very demanding. There is no such thing as deadlines, only "I need now" and if you don't give it to me I will scream and yell at you until you do. Being a full time mom is hard work. You are responsible for another little life. For feeding, nourishing, teaching, instructing, loving, and for raising & bringing up into this world another little human being. And no one on the face of the earth can do that like their own mother can.
So which camp am I in??
Neither. I see and have lived through the benefits and downsides of both. Giving birth and being a mother is hands down the most rewarding and purposeful experience of my entire life. But being a full time mom is challenging, and at times feels extremely unrewarding for yourself. I know what works for me now, but that may also not be what works for me when we have another baby. And then that may not be what works for me when all our children are off at school. And whatever I choose may not be what works for other mothers and for other families. But the point of it all is just that: Respect other women for their decisions, do not try to make your opinions heard or count because everyone is facing a different battle. To each his own, let them do what works best for them and their families. And maybe then we can all put an end to this stupid, cold war between working and SAHMs. Just love your child and bring them up with all the unconditional love and undivided attention and guidance you physically, emotionally, & spiritually can give them. Whether that comes through you working full time, part time, per diem, or not at all, is not what matters.