For the Mom's: 10 small things you can do to bring more peace & order to your life :)

Finally reached a point where I feel confident enough to write this post and share some of this wisdom I have learned from the past year and a half though the challenging and demanding early years of motherhood with a toddler and a baby, without family nearby and my husband working/traveling a great deal. I think that all mothers, regardless if working or stay at home, single or married, with 2 under 2 or just one - all of us are juggling numerous demands and constantly answering to the highest priority and letting other things slip by and compound. Maybe your biggest demand right now is a high need or a sick baby, a stressful work situation, a personal family or marital crisis, maybe you are struggling with your own health issues, or maybe you are dealing with the stress of caring for a special needs child or an aged relative. We are all in different walks of life and  facing different sets of challenges, but I think we can all agree that sometimes, life is simply just hard. Some days, some months, some years, are just utterly exhausting and stretching. If you are in one of these seasons it can become hard not to let the other, lesser-priority things pile up, and it becomes hard to even take care of our own selves, and generally be the woman, mother, wife, and friend that we know God called us to be. After a challenging hard year and a half, I came to the realization that I am more than just a milk machine and I was more than the frazzled, sleep-deprived, anti-social woman I became many days over the past 18 months. What really helped me was finally getting Blair to sleep through the night at 16 months, but I also found that by incorporating the following habits into my daily routine, there came a huge increase in energy levels, my outlook, attitude, and my mindset became much more positive, and ultimately I gained overall feelings of clarity, lightness, and happiness. There is nothing earth shattering here - These are small things you can do that if you just try to stay mindful of and remember to do these things (give em a few weeks or month in a row!) I can promise you will find your life to regain more order, peace, and ultimate happiness :)

1. Get dressed!! Get dressed for the day you want to have, not the one that's trying to have you. As a SAHM the reality is you can still find me in yoga pants and a top knot most days, Really, I only get 'dressed' up in the sense of skirts and silky blouses and high heels for special holidays and occasions. For the past year and a half, I think most days I looked homeless in shirts smeared with unknown food particles and snots.  I know this one can difficult with a baby and a toddler -- I could barely shower or brush my hair or teeth without Blair screaming at me or hanging off my leg crying at my feet to be picked up. But you just need to just figure out 10 minutes in the morning to quickly shower and just groom yourself for the day -- cut your cuticles, buff your nails, shave, clean up your eyebrows, and put on clothes that fit you well (or just that you don't look homeless in), and you will actually feel better that day and actually have a better day. You don't need to give yourself a blow out. You don't need to put on make up. You don't need to dress uncomfortably beautiful. But just making dressing nicer a priority in my life has a huge difference in my productivity and overall outlook on life those days. I’ve found that I get more done, I feel more energetic, and I just feel happier. I started keeping a small cosmetic case in my bag filled with a travel size deodorant, a small hair brush, and a tinted cheek/lip balm (love this one) so that when we arrive somewhere a couple minutes early I can easily fix up in the car while the kids are happily contained.
(Pictured above in L'eggs Brand Silken Sheers - for when you do go the extra mile, these are such a fabulous product with new run-resistant technology and control top ;))
2. Cook, clean, fix things up or put things away around the house or outside the house, with the kids involved.  It may take you twice as long, but I've found sometimes these things literally just won't get done, (or otherwise they'll get done with a screaming toddler, or your toddler somehow getting hurt). & it's fun for them to feel 'needed' in your world and praised for their efforts. And it's a great hands-on real-life learning experience for them. I think just as important as sitting down (or running around) and playing with them - kids are curious about the real world and are more intrigued with what captures our attention and time, and this teaches your toddler about caring for a home or yard and sets the tone for them to help and understand household responsibilities and chores as they grow. For example, my kids like to help me cook - Blair doesn't really care what she's doing as long as she's involved, and Landon will actually help me read recipes, find ingredients, mix things together and watch them cook like a science experiment. Laundry is another one, I'll have them help sort the dirty clothes into dark and light piles, help transfer wet clothes into the dryer, press the buttons, and sort the clean clothes into each person's pile.
3. Clean up as soon as a mess is made, rather than letting it accumulate. Sometimes in the middle of the day we think it'd just be easier to just deal with it after the kids get to sleep, but that mindset can cause so much more mess and ultimately, overwhelming feelings of chaos and anxiety. This means: pick up and put away toys when you are done playing, put away bath toys as soon as bath is over, clean the dinner table and dishes as soon as dinner is over. Clean that poopy cloth diaper as soon as you take it off. This way, nothing can accumulate and get out of control.
4. Have a daily to-do list and prioritize tasks. Tackle the biggest / hardest task first thing and then the smaller ones after that. You will be amazed at how much better and more motivated you feel when that huge annoying thing you keep thinking about is DONE! Keep your daily list to about 5 items, otherwise you will get bogged down. Also keep a separate, long-term to-do list, of things that you want to eventually tackle, but that there is no 'deadline' for and that can wait for when you have a low-key weekend or unexpected chunk of time, or your husband's help to deal with.
5. Have a shared family calendar. My husband and I sync our hotmail calendars, where we each add events into it so we can see what's going on on both ends since we have too much going on to call each other about it. I also keep a large calendar up in print in our kitchen because I'm a visual person, which helps me constantly see the picture of how many days I have to do things before a specified day or event. This is such a small thing to do but can instantly help you visualize your month better and be more effective on a weekly and monthly basis.
6. Pick one day during the week to take a few hours (sans kids) to go grocery shopping and food prep for the week. For me, it's Monday. (This is also something we just started doing a few weeks ago and I can't tell you how much easier it's made my life). I go food shopping and get everything I need for the week's breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Then I rinse and cut up all the veggies, bake the chicken or turkey meat so all I have to do is simply re-heat. I can't over-emphasize the importance of this one! Food prep is so important and can ease a lot of stress and hanger when you've had a busy day, and also helps everyone eat healthier. For example, we always have hard boiled eggs, bananas, apples, and cut up veggies and hummus & dressing in the fridge, which makes it easy to grab a quick, healthy snack when hunger strikes. On Mondays I will also mbake chicken tenders and ground turkey meat to keep in the fridge, for easy sandwiches, wraps, and to throw in dinners.
7. Wake up before the kids. I know this one might be hard too but I promise it will set the tone for a better day. All you need is 30 minutes before them. I have my first cup of coffee in peace and quiet and read a chapter of the bible. I'll also set up their bowls of cereal and pack sandwiches and bags for the day before they wake up, which makes the struggle of getting out the door so much much less hectic.
8. Stay on a schedule. Studies have shown across the board that children thrive when they follow structure and routine. Of course as parents of young children, things come up and unexpected doozies are thrown our way more than we'd like and adjusting and rolling with the punches is definitely a learned skill....but on the whole, if you keep a routine to your days and nights, everyone will function better.
Since today is Friday, I'll give you an example of how a typical Friday looks like for us:
5:30am: Wake up. I take 30 minutes before the kids wake up to make my coffee, read my bible and say a quick prayer for the day.
6:00am: Kids wake up. Diaper change, eat breakfasts, clothes change. Clean up right after they are done eating. Pack lunches, bags, car for the day.
8:000am: Out the door. Usually to our gym, where the kids play and I get a workout in and shower, or like today, I am in the cafe working on my blog or working on Extract.
11:30: Lunch.
12:00: Landon gets on the bus and Blair takes a nap.
1:00-4:00: 'Free time' with Blair. Usually we run errands, clean up around the house and prep for dinner.
4:00: Landon comes home from school. We play outside, go for a walk or bike ride for about an hour before dinner.
5:30: Dinner. Clean up afterwards.
7:00: Bath time, massages, pajamas & brush teeth. We all read books together before bed in Landon's room.
8:00: Bed. After I get the kids to bed I throw in a load of laundry and run the dishwasher so clean for the next day.
9. Keep extra mom & kid necessities in your purse and in the car, so that you are never caught already running late to a birthday party, running into Target for a new outfit and sippy cup. This way, no matter if you are running late, or just forgetful, or the kids are just extra needy, you are equipped to handle any forseeable blow out or snack attack. Our car stash contains diapers, wipes, a sippy cup, change of clothes, snacks, and bandaids.
10. Schedule Date Nights. This was also hard for me to do, but it is so important. I recently heard a pastor at a baby dedication tell the parents that the most important gift you can give your kids is a good marriage. Isn't it true? They are going to look at our marriage as the picture in their mind for when they ultimately chose a life partner of their own. I think that especially in the early years of parenting we feel like it's too hard to invest time in your spouse as we are already stretched so thin and feeling like we barely have time for ourselves or our kids. But you need to make the time - Our spouses need our time and our love and our support. And when the kids are all grown up and living lives on their own maybe on other parts of the country, it is your spouse you will be still be growing old with. & life is just better, in the good days and in the bad days, sharing it with a person you are still in love with.

I hope this helps some of you guys! Got another life tip of your own?? Would love to hear it!

The End of an Era.

I can't believe that I am writing this post right now... but as of last night, Blair has officially, 100% weaned at 17 months..it is a weird feeling, and I'm so sad and emotional right now, despite the fact that I know we were both ready for this. I cut her down to two nursing sessions a day about a month ago, one before nap and one before bed, and then went down to just one before bed about 2 weeks ago. The past few nights felt a little 'different'... and last night I held her against me and I rocked her to sleep in my arms and she didn't even ask for it. My heart is breaking a little. I will always hold on so tight to those amazing memories we shared together the past year and a half. That's definitely not to say the past year and a half was a cake walk, as any breastfeeding mother knows. There were many things I gave up and struggled with the past 17 months. But despite the sleepless nights...despite all the hardship and the hormones.. the exhaustion and the migraines that came as a result of the exhaustion, despite my insatiable hunger and the constant frustration of how my body had changed so drastically....Despite all of this, it was one of the most special and meaningful relationships I have ever been a part of that I will only look back upon with a grateful heart, and deeply miss down to the core of my being. I will always remember that feeling of being needed so badly, the only way that a mother is to a new baby. To be the only source of comfort for her after birth and those first crucial, non-stop weeks and months following. To being the only thing that could help her stop shaking and crying hysterically after the trauma of getting her shots and blood taken. To being the only thing that could soothe her when she was hurt, when she was tired, when she was scared, when she needed to feel loved and calm and protected. It was tough year and a half, yes... but I feel so fortunate and blessed to have shared it for the amount of time that we did. And as we move on, and we grow up and out of phases together, I hope I always remember those special moments together. Because I never took a video, I hope I never forget the sound of her little purrs and the sweet little noises she would make, and because I never took a picture, I hope I never forget the way her big blue eyes would look up into mine in the middle of a session ... I think the greatest sadness I hold with me right now is that I didn't know the night before that it was going to be the last. So tonight... I think I will hold her a little more tightly in my arms as I rock her to sleep, with a little more intent, gratitude and awareness...for the time that will come when she will no longer want to be rocked soundly to sleep in my arms.

Opening Up: Post-Partum Body Image

(photo credit: Landon)

Am I really going here? I have never once posted anything about my body, let alone post-partum body, but let's be real, a woman's body image, and specifically post-partum body image, is something she probably thinks about, if not obsesses over, every single day.

I am going to be completely honest and say that I definitely struggled with my post-partum body image after Blair. Although I gained 20+ more lbs throughout my first pregnancy with Landon, I was also 26 years old. After his birth, the weight just seemed to naturally fall off without much thought or effort on my part and after about 3 months I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. And that's also how I measured everything back then, by the numbers on the scale. Now, exactly one year post-partum from Blair's birth, and I am still physically feeling the aftermath of her pregnancy and birth. I still have serious lower back pain every day. I still have the dark line that runs down from my belly button. Even my belly button has not completely turned back 'innie' yet. My breasts feel and look saggier, due to her (still) constant nursing and grabbing and suckling. With breastfeeding, (due to many allergies and acid reflux when we attempted to start solids -- an entire 9 months of exclusively breastfeeding), my appetite was, and still is, absolutely ravenous. They say you burn 500 calories a day nursing, so I thought the baby weight would fall off even faster and more naturally than when it did with Landon. Boy I could not have been any more Wrong! For every calorie burned I think I would stuff my face with about 100 more. In an extreme sleep-deprived, starving Ethiopian, zombie-like manner. I'm sure my husband thought it was super sexy.
During these many, many accumulated dark quiet hours nursing through the day and night, I needed an outlet. As any mama knows how much more difficult it becomes to go out with friends, let alone talk to friends or family on the phone post-pregnancy - especially with an exclusively nursing baby who wakes at the drop of a dime. So - bored, and longing to stay connected with the outside world, I would, and still do, scroll through my phone during these long nursing sessions. I'd say 99% of my blog posts the past year have been drafted during these quiet times on my phone nursing. I'd blog, go through my photos, answer text messages from earlier, and I'd scroll through Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram. I had been following some "fitness"and "women's health" Instagram accounts, in an effort to stay inspired and curb some of my post-partum breastfeeding binge eating. (I put "fitness" and "women's health" in quotations, as most of their borderline pornographic images are really not honest representations of a female or post-partum body). I'd see these women's accounts post a side by side photo of a very pregnant body with one a couple weeks later holding their newborn with a flat tummy and toned everything. I'd see these self-proclaimed "fit moms" showing off their abs 2 weeks post-partum and their visible ab progression throughout their post-partum weeks and months. Pictures they also made sure to capture their baby in, captioning, "no excuses!" I'd watch videos of these women doing crunches, holding their little baby up in the air with each crunch ....planking and push ups with their toddler on their back. Captioning things like, "What's your excuse?" It just made me want to throw up all over their picture-perfect square post. But I'd also see subtle posts, of new moms in a very flattering angle, in a bikini or short shorts or back in their skinny jeans just a couple weeks after having their baby, probably after editing and cropping and finding the perfect filter and light contrast to make their muscles pop and look more defined. Maybe you have not seen these particular type posts on your feed, but you have surely seen the same on magazine covers of celebrities "getting their bodies back" immediately after having a baby.
Why do we live in a society that idolizes - and obsesses over -- a fit post-baby body??
I admittedly and frustratingly tried too hard to get my pre-baby body back. After getting the 8-week "okay" from my OB, you better believe I hit the gym. And you better believe I cried when they wouldn't let me back in because my baby was too young for the child center. Still determined to "get my body back," I ordered a high-impact/high-intensity home workout program I could do from home. I went from Cardio Queen / Yogi to jumping up and down with weights in my hands. And I didn't do the recommended one a day, I would sometimes do multiple videos a day. And I badly injured myself not once but twice, setting myself back even more weeks back from my goal on my race to Operation Pre-Baby Body.
So what is the point of this post? It's to take an honest look at a new mother's post-partum body and to take a minute to actually just glorify that. It's to stop idolizing the women on the fast track to 'losing the baby weight'. It's to shed light on some of these "fit mom" posts and quite honestly very sad, 'pre-baby body' obsession. It's to really just encourage and preach a more gentle, kinder and accepting approach to new moms out there. One year after my baby's birth and I can't preach about my abs being back. I can't even tell you that my belly button is back. But I can tell you I am happy with, actually amazed, by my body.
A body that grew two babies. That formed within it, their beating hearts, their little organs and little limbs and soft wispy little baby hairs and tiny little fingernails. A body that has the strength to pick up and hold my baby when the only thing that can comfort her is being held close to my body. A body that has the strength to carry my child for hours on end while unloading the groceries, cooking, vacuuming, and carrying a heavy basket of laundry in the other arm.
A body that completely, by the nature of itself, has sustained and nourished the life of my child for the entire past year. A body that has donated over 200 ounces of breastmilk to critically ill, premature infants in the NICU.
All of these things are so much more beautiful than my pre-baby abs. That is what we, especially as fellow mothers, should be focused on and praising ourselves and others for. Whether our abs are back and whether we can fit back in our skinny jeans (nevermind whether celebrities or other women are) should be the last thing on our mind during the entire first year - if not longer -- let alone those precious first few weeks home from the hospital.
At the beginning of this month, I rejoined my gym and started going back to my yoga classes. I've nixed the crazy home videos and the eliptical and I picked up my yoga practice right where I left off, and feel like a new life has been breathed into me. I haven't owned a scale for the past 6 months, and I let the way I feel judge how I'm doing. I listen to my body! When I don't feel like working out because other life demands get in the way, I don't let it bother me. I don't feel guilt for actually having an "excuse", and I am totally okay with the fact that I would rather fill my time with my children, my friends, my husband, and taking care of my home and other hobbies that actually make me happy.
To be clear, I am really all for the 'clean eating' and healthy lifestyle, and if you've spent any time here on my blog or with me in person, you've aways known that about me. It just took me the better part of the past year to understand that a healthy lifestyle means something different for everyone! That we all have different bodies, different genetic make-up, we've all had different birth stories and we all need different, longer, or shorter recovery times. We all have very different lives -- we have different amounts of help, different numbers and ages of children, and different amounts of free time in our days. To me, maintaining a healthy lifestyle is not working out aggressively every day to be able to show off visable post-partum abs. It is allowing myself time for rest, doing the things that actually make me feel good, and taking care of myself mentally just as much as physically.

And thought it would be fun to show my one year & second kid post-partum "transformation".....

.......a "transformation" within 5 minutes of each other this morning. To shed little light on some of the transformation pics or body pics you see appearing everywhere on your feeds. It's easy to suck it in, catch a better angle, pop a hip, flex your muscles, and bam. I could have even taken this a step further and applied a filter, adjusted the contrast, lighting, or sizing, (and what if I knew photoshop!) but you get the point. Anyone can very easily make themselves look better and make others feel worse about themselves.

If you guys are looking for some good women's health IG accounts to follow, check out where I got this "fake transformation" inspiration from - melvfitness and mamalionstrong and also check out YourGymGF, co-run by one of my best friends from college. They post real videos doing pull ups, push-ups, squats, healthy recipes, as well as post pictures eating ice cream, going out for a drink, funny gym bloopers, & they don't contort their bodies into weird shapes in their underwear so that mass amounts of people will like and follow and feed their ego.

& In case you were wondering where I got that cute yoga gear at the top of this post, it is from Boden's new yoga line, which is hands down the best, most comfortable and movable and flattering yoga wear I've ever put on my body. Anyone go to sleep in the clothes they want to wear the next day? Since we're being real. Well these are also perfect for that. (You guys can use promo code YOGA to receive 20% off your order plus free shipping now through Saturday).

Worth The Wait: Landon Buys a Bike

I seriously can't believe how fast this kid is growing up. 4 months ago he was still wearing pull ups. One year ago he was only speaking in 3-word phrases. Now he's whizzing past me in his new bike yelling back at me, "mom I don't need your help!" 

I was going to wait to get him a bike for Christmas, but it just seemed too far away since he has been asking for a bicycle since the summer, which gradually increased to begging come September, and ultimately it broke my heart a little when I saw how devastated he was the day he was the only kid at the bus stop without a bike. We are really not the parents who give into their kids' every demand or latest or impulsive want, especially when these things don't actually promote their intellectual or behavioral growth, are not Eco-friendly, and product of smart/obnoxious 'kid marketing'. Landon knows he cannot just get everything he wants when he wants it. Even in the middle of July, he's satisfied with "let's put it on your Christmas list and ask Santa for it." What I have also come to realize is that it's really not these things they want and it is not ever these things that make them happy (well, beyond 30 minutes) - it is us - it is us they want to spend quality time with them, to talk with and play with and give them our positive, creative, and praising attention. That is where you will find their true happiness, and that is what also promotes the highest level of developmental growth.

So, here we are at the end of September, a few more months til Christmas when I realized the kid can't ride a bike in the winter anyway. So rather than just give into it, we made a fun lil life lesson out of it. I told him we could wait until Santa brought it for Christmas....OR, we could see if he collected enough money in his piggy banks to buy one himself. He ran into his room, carried both his piggy bank and his train bank out to me and said, "I think I have enough for a nice new blue one!" And off we went to the bank to cash in. He watched intently as the teller dumped all of his patiently collected coins into the machine and handed him back $37 dollars. We took that money to a used bike store and bought a $30 (practically) shiny new 14-inch blue Hot Wheels bike, complete with a bell and training wheels. I really wish I got a video of this whole experience because I have never seen Landon so happy in our entire 4 years together. He was absolutely thrilled beyond words.

He confessed he loves his bike more than any of his choo choo trains, more than real trains, and more than The Polar Express train. I've never seen him take such good care of anything either. I am absolutely sure that this is because he waited so long to get it and because he bought it himself out of his own money. Every time I carry it up or down steps he holds onto one of the handle bars and says, "mom, please be careful with my bike and especially my training wheels, I don't want you to ruin them." Every morning when he wakes up he wants to go for a bike ride, first thing. He rides to the bus stop every afternoon with it and he rides after school. He has so much fun riding it, which I absolutely love too because I can actually walk at a normal pace with him. Every day we go out for bike rides around the lake, enjoying the exercise and taking in the beautiful autumn sun and air together. Sometimes we talk-  we talk about school and family and friends and the weather and Paw Patrol and choo choo trains and Halloween. And other times he rings his bell at me and tells me with a smile "get out of my way mom!" and pedals off 30 feet ahead of me for some alone time. 

Although it's bittersweet to see him like this - there is no denying there's any ounce of baby or toddler left in him - I have never felt more proud of him and I really feel like I am at the happiest and most peaceful point I've ever been in my life with him to date. 

& at least I still have one baby left.

4 Years

Dear (not so) Little Landon,

In just a few weeks we will be celebrating your 4th birthday. I can't believe 4 whole years have passed since I gave birth to you in 2010. We are both 4 years older from that day and we have shared 4 years of growth, stories, love and life and laughter together. 

Last night I put you to sleep, after reading you bedtime story after story, as we usually do. Every time we finished the final page of a book you would look at me with your playful eyes and smile and say "again!" For the first time ever, I got Blair to go down before you, and I enjoyed our old bedtime ritual, just the two of us together, without simultaneously nursing Blair or hearing her cry for me from the other room and cutting you short. Instead of rushing half-heartedly through your books as I have been doing for the past 6 months, I sat there with you. Patiently, lovingly, present. And we sat there and we read books together. Book after book after book. When we were done, I tucked you in under your blankets, and we said our nightly prayers together. We always start off with "Now I lay me down to sleep..." and then you thanked God for all the people in your life. Before you were done, you finished your prayer by asking God to help "all the babies in Africa" and then you threw in a final, "and please help me grow big and strong. A-men." I stroked your hair and looked at your little face in my hand sweetly smiling at me and it hit me like a ton of bricks. You are no longer my baby. You are no longer even a toddler. You are a full fledged kid now. And it somehow happened in the blink of an eye. I told you I loved you, kissed you goodnight, and I walked out of your room thinking how cool - how powerful, how scary, how huge a concept - that all the things your father and I say and do with you on a daily basis are shaping your person and becoming your own thoughts and voice. All of a sudden, you have turned into this child that we have been unconsciously shaping you to be for the past 4 years.
I got into my own bed next to Blair and just as I was dozing off into unconsciousness, I heard my bedroom door open and your little footsteps walk over to me. "Mommy? Can you snuggle me?" And I realized, I'm really not sure if this might be the last time you ever want to snuggle with your mom to sleep. I pulled you up in my bed and under the blankets with me and we snuggled. I didn’t browse the internet on my phone and I didn’t go through my text log getting back to anyone from the day. I just held you in my arms and we stayed there like that until you fell soundly asleep. I laid in bed with my two most prized possessions in the world for the first time since your sister was born. I took in the quiet and realized how rare it is for you both to be sound asleep while I am awake. And instead of starting a mad dash for my own freedom or personal space, I just laid there with you and listened to you breathing, holding you in my arms while you slept. I took in that moment and thought about our lives these past 4 years.
I know that not every day is easy. There are many days you push me way past the edge of my patience. Days that I have to give myself a 'time out' in a separate room to take a deep breath before I completely lose it in a fit of rage and exhaustion. There are days I have cried in defeat and desperation and there have been times you have physically brought me to my knees. Because being a full time mom is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. 

When we first found out that we were pregnant with you, it was a big shock for your father and I. The two of us, absolutely in love with each other, but suddenly realizing the stark reality was that things were not going to go as I had planned. I remember wondering how I was going to actually do this and how things were going to change. I didn't think I was ready for you, for parenthood. I wasn’t sure what this new path for me looked like, going through my pregnancy and giving birth to you thousands of miles away from my parents and all my family and friends. I was terrified. We hadn't a place to live yet. We weren't married yet. I had just been sworn into the bar and had just started looking and applying for jobs. I never doubted your father and I together, but I doubted myself. Fear and anxiety had a strong grip on me during those 9 months I carried you in my belly and I was always questioning myself and my mind was a crazy place.
But the day you were born and I held you in my arms, I knew. I was sure of myself and I understood it all. You weren't something that I needed to be ready for. You have been in me all along. I was always ready for you. You were meant to be. And at that exact time and place in my life.
I remember those first few days in the hospital with you, your father and I pouring over you with amazement, awe and love. I knew that my life would change when you arrived, but what I didn't know was how much you would actually change me. That change into motherhood was so concrete, so drastic, it’s almost as if everything that came before you was an alternate reality… like the person I was before I became a mother wasn’t me at all, an insecure, immature, half-person of the person I became the day you were born. You helped me see the world in a different way, and changed the way I see myself. You did it then, the day you were born and I held you in my arms at the hospital, and you did it to me again last night as I held you soundly sleeping in my arms, nearing the 4th anniversary of that day. I am reminded what life really is. What love is. What the point of all this all is.

The point is not living a lonely life, afraid. The point is not having everything go according to our plans. The point is living life with the people you love. The point is to open up to the life God intends for you. The point is trusting Him and yourself to do so. No plans you ever make for yourself are better manufactured than the plans He has for you, I can guarantee you that. 

Although you are only 4 years old, there are so many amazing qualities that I already see in you and that I am so proud of. I hope you always live life with your sense of honesty, curiosity, kindness, compassion, vigor and excitement that you live life with right now.
I hope you are always excited to meet new people with an open heart and without judgment. Your 'best friend Tanya' you are always so happy to tell me about and who your teacher told me you have a 'special relationship' with at school, I just found out was a little Asian girl with glasses. The first time you saw an African American you weren't confused or frightened but you innocently proclaimed, 'That's a chocolate man!' And it's always the friends you make and play so nicely with anywhere we go are always kids of different ethnicities. I hope you continue to carry this with you as you grow -- I hope you always treat every single person with the same amount of respect and love. I hope you are never afraid, intimidated, think differently of, or think that you are better than anyone who has a different outward appearance than you.
I hope you always retain your sense of generosity and joy in giving. You love making things for other people, helping me wrap presents for others, and giving things to others. You get so excited to give people things, especially things you've made for them, and you already understand this important life concept, that it will always feels better in your heart to give, rather than receive. This goes for love, for affection, for a compliment, for a favor.
Something else I hope you always carry with you is your beautiful sense of kindness and compassion. You are never, ever, ever hurtful. Even when others hurt you. You never retaliate in anger or want to hurt them back. You have an instinctual urge to want to help others in times of pain, sadness, or hurt. Whenever I am sick, you'll come bring me my big green mixing bowl from the kitchen to 'throw up in' and you will gently rub my back. You get so concerned when you see other children crying or upset. You can't stand to hear your baby sister fuss for anything and you always ask me if you or I can 'make Baby Bear happy' when she cries. It truly pains you to witness other people's pain and you always want to do something about it. 

I am not perfect. I have many flaws and failings as a human being and as a parent. But I love you. I love you with a ferocity that will never fade and I will protect you with every ounce of my being, always. I will continue to find joy in discovering who you are as you grow and change and turn into the person you are meant to be, and I will continue to do my best to be what you need me to be.
I love you, fiercely and unconditionally and until the end of time. Nothing with ever change that. No matter who you become. No matter the choices you make. No matter what you choose to study, or not study, no matter what profession you choose, or don't choose, no matter what sports you choose to play or not play, no matter where you choose to live, or who you choose to love. I will always, always, love you.

I may have been the one who carried you in my belly for those 9 months and gave life to you those 4 years ago. But I want you to know that it is you who gave new life to me. And that you continue to give me this beautiful, new life and perspective, every single day.

- Your "Mumma", always

3 Months.

My Sweet Babygirl,

I can't believe that today you turned three months old. I am so hyper-aware at how quickly time is moving right now. It seems beyond cruel that time moved so slowly when you were growing inside me and now that we are separate and I have you in my arms, it has been racing. I'm excited to watch you grow & develop into your own little firecracker personality, I'm excited for you to be able to play with your big brother, (who is dying for you to be able to play with him), and I'm so excited for the mother-daughter things we will get to do together. But I also wish I could pause time right here, right now and just hold you in my arms like this, my sweet baby girl, forever.

The past 3 months have truly been surreal. A whirlwind, sleep-deprived, & blurry, yet somehow still, absolutely surreal. Every morning, no matter how utterly exhausted I am, and no matter how brutally cold and dreary it is outside, you are always all smiles. Regardless of how little sleep or how hard the night before, you are there, fresh and happy and you start my day off like a ray of sunshine. 

Every day there are loads of laundry that need to be washed and put away. Errands that need to be run and grocery shopping and food prep and cooking and cleaning that needs to be done. Your big brother to care for and to help with homework and speech. Dozens of unfinished blog posts and scribbled notes of my dreams and plans for the future. Way too many people on my 'call back' list and businesses on my 'to call' list. A hundred notes on my 'to-do' list that have gone weeks, even months without getting to. But although I always have a million things to do, every day I find at least 30 minutes when we can sit quietly together and I rock you back and forth and watch you fall sound asleep in my arms. It's in these moments I get completely lost in you. The most relaxing part of my day is this time with you, just sitting and holding you, blocking out the rest of the world around us, watching your little chest rise and fall with each breath. And I sit here with you in my arms, mesmerized, adoring you. 

I sit and I hold you and I realize how big you're getting, and how ridiculously much you've grown since we brought you home from the hospital 3 months ago. I wonder what you'll be like when you're Landon's age. I wonder if I'll see my own personality traits shine through in you. I wonder if you'll grow up to be my best friend and I hope that I will be yours. I'm excited about the many things and experiences life has in store for you and for all of us together. I'm excited to see if you'll choose sports or dancing or drawing or acting, and where your passions will lie. But regardless of whatever becomes your passion, and whichever path you travel, I will be right by your side rooting you on, always. 

The world has great things in store for you my little one. But for now, at three months old, I am your world, and for that, I couldn't feel more blessed. 

I love you so much,

your mumma

These Moments.

Amidst the craziness of the holidays, the crazy weather, the lack of sleep, and juggling a toddler and a newborn along with never ending household demands -- everyday for at least 30 minutes I get to have one of these quiet moments with my little Blair Bear, and in these moments, I feel like I know what heaven must feel like. 

I don't think there is anything in the world that can compare to these quiet moments together, holding this 7.5 pound person against my chest and rocking back and forth until she nods off against me and begins to purr as she reaches her deep sleep. She is peaceful, she is angelic, and she is miraculous, and I feel like I could sit and rock and just look at her here in these moments forever. And every so often, her little lips will break open into a momentary smile, and I wonder if she's dreaming of me. 

It is in these moments that I feel pure contentment, forgetting the 'to-dos' - they can wait. Forgetting the frustration of my post partum body - my body grew this for 9 months, we were once one, and her little heart was once beating inside of me. I forget all worry about the future because I know and and am physically holding what truly matters in life. 

These moments are filled with a peace I don't remember feeling before, a love I didn't know I was capable of, and with awe and wonder I can only thank God for.

8 weeks old now, and the time has truly escaped me. I can feel her getting stronger and stronger, and although I'm proud of her growing strength and agility, it is a constant reminder that this time is fleeting and she won't be this precious innocent infant forever. I inhale her sweet baby scent and I gently rub the softest skin that I have ever felt. I kiss her sweet little cheeks and the top of her head over and over and over, and I hold her tight against me. I hold onto these moments with all the strength in my heart and mind and do everything I can to engrain them in my memory forever. 

Landon (& Life) Lately

I am on about a combined 3.5 hours of sleep, so forgive me if I'm all over the place here.

So much about my life has been consumed with Blair, really ever since we found out we were pregnant, but especially since her birth (2 weeks ago today). I haven't been spending a tenth of the amount of time I used to spend with Landon these past 2 weeks and I have to admit, it's been really challenging, for me and for him. 

Blair is truly an angel baby, she's nursing like a champ, barely even cries (I know), and although she is up (a lot) feeding at night, she sleeps pretty much all day. Landon has been great with her, I think partly because we prepared him so well for her impending arrival (and it probably also helps that she keeps buying him little presents ;)). Everyone told me he would regress and be jealous and not like his new little sibling, but that really has not been the case at all - I am so impressed with how he is with Blair, he is very careful and gentle around her and really doesn't try to touch her or play with her at all yet. He (not surprisingly) loves to help out with her, his big brother tasks right now include throwing away her dirty diapers, handing me new diapers, helping push her stroller, and reporting that "she's okay" when I ask him how she's doing in the car. He can't pronounce L's yet so he calls her "baby Bear" and makes cute little comments on whatever she's doing like, "baby Bear's drinking milk" or "baby sister is sleeping in her basket" and yesterday when she let out a little baby sneeze I hear Landon from the other room yell out, "Bless you Bear!"  

But the past 2 weeks have been hard. Landon stayed at my FIL's while we were in the hospital for 3 days, and missed lots of naps, some school and therapy. We got hit by a tornado, lost power, and had to check into a hotel on day 3 home from the hospital. So he's basically been thrown all over the place, sleeping (not sleeping well) outside his own bed, having everyone else other than me feed/bathe/play with him, and with all the commotion of a new baby, never ending errands, visitors, and crazy schedules all around, he's been unable to take his (very necessary) afternoon naps lately, which makes for a very cranky, and difficult to manage, kiddo. 

I definitely feel guilt over all this and I know his behavior lately has everything to do with my inability right now to cater to his schedule. I miss being able to spend time with him. I miss getting under the covers with him and reading him bedtime stories and putting him to sleep. I miss sharing lunch with him. I miss taking him to the park and going for walks and making crafts with him. But right now Blair is nursing every 2-4 hours for sometimes an hour each time and I just can't physically be present for both of them right now at this point in her young life. I know that soon I will have her going longer and longer in between feedings and I will be able to work out giving each of them my undivided attention, and to say I'm very much looking forward to that day would be an understatement.

But even now at two weeks in, I feel confident moving forward he'll get back to normal. Beginning today, I'm putting him back on a nap schedule after school from 1-3, and his bedtime of 8/8:30pm. He'll be eating better - there's been much more junk food than I like to admit and giving into his cookie and chip demands to appease him during this transition - and starting this week we'll be reintroducing the potty, which hopefully we will have mastered by end of next month. 

As for me? I have no idea when the next time is I'll feel well rested. But I'm enjoying this time with Blair, I love breastfeeding and the strong bond that we've created, and I feel so much more confident the second time around with a newborn. I made it out in public with her just a few days after we came home from the hospital (but still have yet to make it out in public with two kids by myself - definitely the true test). But I feel like I've got a lot on my plate with two kids now, constant things to do around the house and yard, more laundry than can you can imagine, an ever-growing to-do list, and I've been stressing out about where we will be living when we have to move out of here by February. 

Aside from all that, I am extremely thankful for this time in my life, a healthy, beautiful little girl who is going to start growing (fast) right before my eyes. For sweet little Landon who is stepping up into his big brother shoes like a champ, and for my wonderful husband who works so hard to allow me to stay home and enjoy this precious time and fleeting moments with my two babies. I've been beyond humbled and grateful for the outpouring of love, help and generosity our family and friends have shown us these past few weeks, and my heart has truly never felt more full. I'm taking it all in, one day at a time. The weather has been horribly cold - I can't believe it's actually snowing right now - but I'm enjoying spending the days inside, toasty warm with our heat at a constant 72 degrees, our fake fireplace roaring, the glee holiday station on Pandora playing nonstop on my computer, and slowly but surely settling back into our lives and the reality moving forward as a new family of four. 

<3

3 Years.

Dearest Little Landon,

Today you turned 3 years old. It was exactly three years ago today that you came into our lives and within them you have changed and grown so much and turned more into a little boy I still can't believe I created. I honestly couldn't have dreamed up a better kid if I tried. You're truly the sweetest little kid ever, and I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm your mom ;) I love watching you explore and see new things for the first time, & I love watching your imagination and little thoughts run wild. Most of all, I love witnessing your happiness and seeing you light up with excitement over the most simple joys. You have given me a new perspective on life -- You've shown me how to slow down and how to appreciate every moment even when I’m exhausted and weary, you are there, smiling, full of joy, adventure, & excitement.

There are lots of things that I want to teach you, but every day I think you teach me much more than I could ever hope to show you. You're already experiencing something so beautiful for me to see, compassion. You have a natural response to other children when they are sad and upset, and I see the concern in your eyes and you bring them your toys and do things you think will make them happy. I know that no one taught you that, and that you are already learning to listen to God's little whispers, and I am so proud of you. When I think about what it is I want for you to learn as you grow up into a boy and into a young man, I think there's so many things I want to teach you, but I think that's partly the most important. I want you to always love God and trust in His plan for you. To pray and keep listening hard for His whispers. And to trust that feeling deep down in your heart, and to have it always direct your actions.

Today is not only your birthday, but it is the first day I'm sending you off to school. I know we're both excited, but it's a double edge sword for me. I think about Newtown and I have a crazy urge to want to protect you under my wings forever. I'm nervous about other kids being mean, exclusive, and bullying. And it breaks my heart to see other kids be mean to you for no reason, especially when your intentions are always so kind hearted. I'm worried that you don't yet know how to speak up for yourself in those situations and I can't be there to help you feel better. But I realize I can't hold onto you forever and the only way for you to grow and experience life is for me to let you.

I know sometimes I get anxious. I worry that we don’t have our own house yet, I worry that we don’t have enough money in the bank, and that I don't have any idea of what the future will bring. But I know what we do have is enough. We have each other, we have papa, and we will have a new baby brother or sister coming very soon too, and I know that there is more than enough love in this family to go around. Sometimes I still wonder how I’m going to be “enough” for you -- enough of a mother, enough of an example, enough of a care giver. I wonder how I can do this job by myself and then twice that job when baby brother or sister is born. But then I hear your little voice call out for me when you're in need, and feel your little arms wrap around my leg as if I am your safe haven, and I see the excitement in your eyes when you see me for the first time after I've been gone, and you run to me and hug me. And I realize, I’m already doing it. And I'm doing enough.

Another baby will be coming into our family in just a few short months, and we hope even another after that, but you will always be the one who changed me. The one that gave me the most important role that I have ever held in my life, the role of a mother. You will always be the person who gifted me this perspective and kindness and patience beyond anything I ever remotely had before.

I used to always yearn for adventure, no matter what I would always want more. I was never content, I wanted to have more, to see more, do more, experience more. I lived for the thrill and desired the extremes and the adrenaline rush of high highs. And I still do, and we will go and do some amazing things together and separately. But I’m no longer searching, because I realized the wild I always searched for is in you now. You are my wild. You have been, and are, my greatest adventure. I love you so much.

Your "mumma", always.

25 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me

After seeing a few of these "5 Things You Don't Know About Me" posts on IG recently I decided to sit down and compile my own list here. I got a little carried away, but here are 25 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me:

1. I like all things organized, clean, & aesthetically pleasing. Sometimes this makes me a little OCD. I am one of those people who, if I come home from a trip at midnight, will need to unpack my entire suitcase and throw in a load of laundry before going to bed. I absolutely hate leaving things for the next day.

2. I love to draw and make things by hand. The two biggest goals on my 30 Before 30 list is to enroll in myself in an art class and learn how to sew.

3. We got rid of our TV service 7 months ago and I'm not lying when I say I don't miss it in the least bit. We've also been living without a microwave for the past 6 months. Somehow this has also been working out really well for us.

4. My body literally rejects alcohol. Violently. The entire day and night after drinking, even after having just a couple, and the aftermath lasts for a solid 7 days. I have finally started to listen to my body and have spent the past 45 days completely sober…There have still been many occasions that I miss alcohol, and nights I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, but I feel better than ever.

5. I am a lawyer by trade but a mother by heart. I wish I knew this before I racked up all those student loans.

6. I live with mom-guilt every day. When I am home with my son I many times feel like someone else could do a better job educating and raising him than I am. But that same vicious mom-guilt follows me around when I am away from him because I know no one on the face of the earth can love and care for him as much as I do.

7. I hate confrontation. I would rather avoid you for weeks on end. I call this 'the fadeaway.'

8. I am a very anxious person. My yoga practice is the only thing that truly relaxes me and makes me feel whole, mentally & physically, in a given moment.

9. I'm one of those people who needs her sleep. A solid 8-9 hours or else I suffer from awful migraines and am a dysfunctional human being all day. I also need to eat pronto when I am hungry. (aka hangry).

10. I'm left handed but I'm also right-handed. I like to think that means I'm rare and unique and superbly creative. I also like to think that means Landon is going to be an allstar southpaw athlete and kick ass at sports.

11. I am passionate about our environment, non-toxic and organic products, and enjoy making things by hand. I make and use my own all-natural laundry detergent, cleaning agents, deodorant, body scrub, bath salts, moisturizer, make-up remover, facial cleanser, toner, & exfoliator.

12. I cloth diaper, baby wear, & co-sleep. I didn't start out predetermined to do these things, they sort of naturally evolved as things that work best for us while comporting with parenting philosophies that I grew to believe in. I (we) love it. Most of the time.

13. Many mornings Chris and I will wake up an hour before Landon, have coffee & tea in bed and read a chapter of the Bible and talk about God. This has been by far, the best way to start my day. Whether you're alone, with your spouse or significant other, in the morning or at night, I would highly recommend carving out just a few minutes of your day to do this. It'll change your life.

14. I believe strongly in downsizing and in simplicity. The people I respect most in the world are people who quietly choose to live with less so that others can have more. Unfortunately, I conveniently forget this daily as I drive to Target and click my little fingers away on amazon.com and buy things I don't need. One of my most frequent and fervent prayers is that one day what I do, want, and love will match what I respect, believe and admire.

15. I don’t do anything in moderation and I tend to live life in a pattern of extremes. This goes for eating, drinking, exercising, sleeping, my mood, my motivation. I am aware this is unhealthy and I am working on developing an even keel to my personality.

16. I want to do big things for God, like spend a year doing philanthropy efforts in a third world country or adopt a baby orphan from Africa. Chris and I talk seriously about both these callings on a regular basis....will see we're we're at when we're done having our own kids. But for now, we have our little Sinawo.

17. I am unable and unwilling to sustain relationships with people who talk about themselves but don’t listen or engage in a meaningful 2-way conversation, egotistical, narcissistic people, people who only care about themselves and view the world in terms of how it affects them.

19. My pet peeve since becoming a mom is when people feel the need to offer unwanted, unsolicited advice. We do not need advice. We need help, & we need community.

20. Chris is the living proof to me that the grace of God is real. I don't know what I did to deserve him and I don't know how my life didn't spiral out of control before him. We are very different people but we love all the exact same things. I truly can't imagine going through life with anyone else.

21. I found God in March 2009 at a small train station in Little Rock, Arkansas and since then I have never been the same. I still consider myself a crappy Christian, but I’m pretty sure that's the only honest kind.

22. I can't listen to the first few notes of Rufus Wainwright's Hallelujah without feeling like the wind's been knocked out of me.

23. I stopped all prescription drugs 4 years ago and believe strongly in holistic health and healing. I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter and echinacea and lots of tea and honey.

24. I don't know what I would do without my girlfriends. I deeply cherish my close friendships, because good friends are very hard to find, even more difficult to keep, and they sure as hell make the quality of life better (and a little more bearable).

25. I believe the hardest things in life are the best things. That nothing truly good comes easy. Because life is hard. Not because we are doing it wrong, but because sometimes it’s just hard. But I know, deep down, that it’s all a gift. Every day and every single experience, no matter how brutal, each is an invitation to walk deeper into truth and to real life. That nothing worth anything comes easy. And the rewards are even greater than we expected them to be. And everything is always going to be alright, not because of any decisions I make or don’t make, but because of the grace of God. That he works in miraculous ways, if we walk with Him. That with working hard and trusting in His plan, there is never a door I can't walk through that He won't be standing right behind, helping to usher me through.

they say it takes a village

Lately I've been thinking a lot about a lifestyle long before our time, when families lived in villages, the time of hunter-gatherers, when everyone had a task to do that the community relied on for survival. When meals were prepared by a group and everyone sat together to pray, eat, drink, tell stories, laugh, dance, and talk with each other. When people worked together to hunt and gather food, to prepare meals, to build huts and shelter, to fend off attackers, and to raise the children. When a child was born into a village, literally all of the women would come together and help take care of the new mother and baby. I read somewhere that it takes 3.75 adults to adequately care for a new baby, and I don't question it.
Lately I've been yearning for a greater sense of community and my mind frequently takes me back to thoughts of our ancestors. How although we've been blessed with so many great advances in technology and medicine, that life back then somehow seems so much more simple and gratifying than today's world. Even not going as far back as hunter-gatherers, but just looking back to a time before the internet and social media -- According to U.S.A. Today, back in 1985, the percentage of Americans with no close friends was 10%. Twenty years later, that number became 25%. So the idea of loneliness and isolation, and feeling disconnected, is escalating in our current cultural moment. The irony of this is that we now live in an age with social media -- which was designed to bring people together and connect with one another, and through which people are being more connected to what's going on than ever before -- and yet people are actually feeling a sense of more loneliness, more discontent, and more disconnectedness than any other time in history. And I specifically think that new mothers these days are finding themselves in places of loneliness and isolation more than any other point in history before.
When Landon was born and throughout his early infant weeks home from the hospital, outside help was unknown to me. My village consisted of myself, and Chris for two weeks. No close friends nearby, no family nearby, and really just no other women that I was close enough to nearby that offered to bring over a meal, help with Landon, or just be there to talk to and offer love. However, those early weeks and months were filled with so much love that I never felt sorry for myself or felt like I needed anything or anyone else other than my new precious little bundle. But were those days hard? Unbelievably. No one tells you just how hard it is when you leave that hospital, when you leave the nurses' 24/7 help, and enter into real life with a brand new baby as a brand new mother. I remember breaking down and crying on day 5 home from the hospital because my pump broke. I had a very hungry, demanding baby who refused my nipple, engorged painful breasts, and I was scared shitless to leave my apartment with a new baby all by myself and go out into the world in search of a new replacement pump. But as a new mom, you learn how to step up pretty quickly. You do what you need to do for this new little precious life you just created, which has now redefined your sole purpose as raising, nurturing, and doing whatever the hell it is you need to do to keep this new little life happy, healthy, growing, protected, & well loved.
As we are now currently trying to conceive baby number 2, I get scared again. How am I going to do that all over again with a toddler? With the passing of Chris' mother, still no family or close friends nearby, and tighter finances that naturally come with having more kids, I feel more scared than ever to baby-raise again.
We live in a world where everything is just plastered all over the internet. Women crop and instagram and photoshop and portray their best selves and leave out the normal, the mundane, and the ugly. We have relationships over the computer instead of in person, and women and mothers are constantly faced with comparing themselves to other women's photoshopped and edited lives. And as a result of all this, instead of reaching out, we turn inward, and we feel alone in our less than glamourous lives.
And in this new age of never ending information and technology, we learn on a daily basis about new techniques and parenting philosophies, the latest recalls, new safety concerns and SIDS research, that we should feed our kids organic and gluten-free and casein-free diets. We are bombarded with new articles and research on whether to vaccinate or not to vaccinate. On the benefits of enrolling your 6 month old in swim class. On why homeschooling is best for your children and how we are to raise a spiritually gifted and aware child. We learn about attachment and detachment parenting and why each is better than the other. It's simply overwhelming, and everyone out there just loves to give you their unsolicited advice on top of it all.
But advice is not what we need. We need help, and we need community.
Will we ever live in little huts and villages again? No. But we can come together and be real with each other. We can quit the extravagant baby showers and invitations for show and offer real, completely and utterly selfless acts of kindness to each other that are not done out of obligation or for recognition. We can drop by with a favor instead of offering an empty 'let me know if you need anything' text message. We can show love, not judgment. We can do things for each other without an expectation of getting something back in return. And I think that really being there for each other will get us back to a community. Because, deep down, we know life can be so much more rewarding and fulfilling. Because life is hard. Not because we are doing it wrong, and not because of any decisions we make, but because sometimes, it's just hard. And the loads we are carrying can be so much lighter when we have each other.

No Cable // My Master List of Documentaries

We're going on month 6 now with no cable, & it's nothing I've missed. I've never been a big TV person, or TV person at all for that matter, so having no cable hasn't been a challenge for me. Many nights my husband and I like to unwind together and watch a movie or tv show before bed, but we have a cheap video store up the street for rentals when we're in the mood for some cuddles & popcorn. I get my news stories online & my HGTV fix when I'm working out at the gym and I'm so much more content knowing that Landon is playing with his favorite trains or "reading" books instead of watching Sponge Bob Square Pants (god help those kids).
This isn't to say my kid has no screen time at all, he still has a TV in his playroom for movies that we own (big Disney fan, Baby Einstein, & other Thomas & Cars films) and he will frequently take my iphone and ask for "choo choos," meaning, YouTube videos of live train footage. (He will actually scroll through my phone and choose the video he wants to watch....kids these days and technology). But this will entertain him when I have to get stuff done, cook, or when I have to take him along to run some really boring errands with me. So overall I keep his screen time limited and I get to control what his little eyes and ears absorb, and (right now at least) I get to shield him from learning from the garbage, violence, and stupidity that is out there.
When I tell people I don't have cable, they look at me like I just told them I've been living without electricity or running water for half the year. But I strangely feel like a better person for not having it. Our lives our simpler, its one less bill in the mail, & it fosters a home full of conversation and DOING, and and that is the type of home and family life I want to cultivate.
All that being said, my husband and I still do enjoy a good scary movie or getting sucked into a good TV series every now & then (Breaking Bad, Boardwalk Empire, & Homeland, to name a few), but more than anything, I enjoy sitting down and watching a good, non-fictional, documentary. I've really only seen a few documentaries but I just spent a long time compiling a master list of documentaries that I want to rent or buy in the future (below). This isn't to say that I already agree with some of these titles {yet}, but just that I'm interested and want to be more educated on.
Documentary Master List (in alphabetical order):
*Lots of these are free to watch in their entirety on YouTube, & if not, most all have trailers on YouTube that you can watch before renting/buying.
A Beautiful Truth
A World Without Water
Addicted to Plastic
The Age of Stupid
Agenda: Grinding America Down
All in This Tea
American Politics All you Can Eat
Are Vaccines Safe?
Babies
Beyond Treason
The Big Sell-Out
Birth As We Know It
Birth Into Being
Born Into Brothels
The Botany of Desire
Burzynski, The Movie
Bush Family Fortunes
The Business of Being Born
Chow Down
Collapse
The Corporation
The Cove
The Creature From Jekyll Island
A Crude Awakening: The Oil Crash
Cut Poison Burn
Cut: Slicing Through The Myths of Circumcision
Crazy Sexy Cancer
Dear Zachary
Diet For A New America
Dirt! The Movie
Dive! the movie
Doula
Dying to Have Known: The Evidence Behind Natural Healing
Earthlings
The 11th Hour
The End of Poverty
Enron: The Smartest Guys in The Room
Ethos
Eustace Mullins: Murder By Injection
Farmageddon
Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead
Fat Head
Fed Up!
Fiat Empire: Why the Federal Reserve Violates the U.S. Constitution
Flow How Did a Handful of Corporations Steal Our Water?
Flu and Flu Vaccines, What’s Coming Through That Needle
The Fluoride Deception
Food Beware: The French Organic Revolution
Food Fight
Food, Inc.
Food Matters
Food Stamped
For Liberty: How the Ron Paul Revolution Watered the Withered Tree of Liberty
Forks over Knives
The Future of Food
Freedom Fries & Other Stupidity We'll Have to Explain to Our Grandchildren
Fresh
Frontline: The Medicated Child
Frontline: Sick Around America
Frontline: Sick Around the World
Gasland
Generation RX
Gentically Modified Food - Panacea or Posion?
Gentle Birth Choices
The Gerson Miracle
GMO Film Project 
Grass
The Greater Good
Healing Cancer From The Inside Out
Hemp Revolutio
The Human Experience
The Idiot Cycle: What You Aren't Being Told About Cancer
Ingredients
Innocents Betrayed
Invisible Empire A New World Order Defined
Killer At Large
King Corn
Life Running Out of Control
Loose Change
Louise Hay: You Can Heal Your Life
Making of A Killing
Money, Banking and the Federal Reserve
The Money Masters
Money Talks: Profit before Patient Safety
More Business Of Being Born
The Naked Truth
Natural Born Babies
The New Medicine
No Impact Man
Nutricide & Codex Alimentarius
One World Birth
Orgasmic Birth
OutFOXed: Rupert Murdoch’s War on Journalism
Pregnant in America
Processed People
Queen of the Sun: What Are the Bees Telling Us?
Radically Simple
Raising Cain
The Real Dirt on Farmer John
Scientists Under Attack: Genetic Engineering in the Magnetic Field of Money
Tapped
The Secret of Oz
Seeds Of Deception
Simply Raw: Reversing Diabetes
The Story of Stuff
Stupidity
Supersize Me
Sweet Misery
Sweet Remedy: The World Reacts to an Adulterated Food Supply
The Tapping Solution
Thrive
Transcendent Man
Unconditional Parenting
Uncovered: The War on Iraq
The Union: The Business Behind Getting High
Vaccination: The Hidden Truth
Vanishing of the Bees
We Feed The World
What in The World Are They Spraying?
What The Bleep Do We Know?
What’s on Your Plate
Who Killed the Electric Car
The World According to Monsanto
A World Without Cancer
Zeitgeist

Seen any of these? Let me know what you think is a 'must view' or what's not worth checking out.

Have any other recommendations or suggestions? Let me in on 'em!